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The Owl Project
A rare Unicorn Owl is spotted near Possum Lodge, threatening a taxidermy shootout and any more hunting or fishing. Cast (in order of appearance): , , , , , , , , , Segments: Red's Campfire Songs, Meet Your Member, Handyman Corner, Red's Advice To Teenagers, Harold's Announcements, Red's Visits with Possum Lodge Members, Male Call, Adventures With Bill, Red's Poetry DVD: Red Green Stuffed and Mounted, Vol. 2; Red Green – The Toddlin' Years DVD Commentary by Steve Smith STEVE SMITH: This show is from our fourth season. Uh, that year, we titled every show, "The Something Project". This one's called "The Owl Project". Don't really remember why we did that. I do remember, though, that every one started with me standing on a dock. And we shot these up in La Scoca, which is a cottage area north of Toronto. We shot them about 5:30 or six in the morning, so that's actually the sun coming up there, and, um... But the thing that struck me from this episode was the duck bl– the handyman duck blind thing. Uh, we actually used to shoot most of the "Handymans", if not all the "Handymans", in the studio, and when we wanted to do something with a car, we would bring the car in there. And it was just such a hassle, because not only does the car leak gas and oil and it's dangerous and everybody's insurance is void, but we were shooting in Hamilton, Ontario, and getting a car in was difficult, because you had to, y'know, go around corners and, I think, upstairs. No, no, no, just we did have to go around corners with that. And then, after we had done maybe five or six times, somebody suggested, "Why don't you shoot the car stuff outdoors?" It was probably a woman. Transcript Intro {Red stands fishing on a pier early in the morning.} RED GREEN: One thing about guns that I find confusing is that most people – well, okay, mainly men – have a fascination with shooting. {the title "The Owl Project" is displayed} Guys who'd never kill anything, never even hurt anything, love the thrill of shooting at a target. Maybe when you spend your days working at a job where you don't seem to see any results from what you're doing and you start thinking that maybe the world would be exactly the same if you weren't here. I'll tell ya, that feeling goes away when you can stand fifty feet back with a gun in your hand and blow the hinges off your garage door. Or even better, your neighbor's garage door. There's instant gratification. It's not smart or correct, but it's one of the things that makes us what we are. Title sequence {The "The New Red Green Show" title sequence plays. Cut to Buzz standing next to his plane. He makes plane motions with his hand, having it pretend to fly straight up in the air and then pretend to have it dive-bomb and crash.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} Here are a few scenes from this week's episode, which is way better than... {Cut to Red seated in a car covered in paint, even on the windows. He opens the driver's side window, covered in paint and leans out.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...one of the ones we did a long time ago. We got all kinds of things we're gonna... {Cut to Red and Gord standing outside the latter's fire watchtower, next to a table with three paper bags on it. They talk to each other for a few seconds, then look offscreen at something, startled. They dive for cover under the table.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...build for ya and say to ya and fool around with ya. We got all kinds of, uh... {Cut to Bill, wearing a basketball outfit and a new pair of sneakers, which he is pumping air into.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...things that happen, like, things like that... {Cut to Red in the lodge dressed as a bear.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...and other things, sort of like this. Plot Segment 1 Segue: Buzz Sherwood {Buzz stands on the dock next to his plane. He moves his hands around, making plane noises like a little kid. He raises this hand straight up in the air and then drops it straight down, imitating the plane diving and crashing.} BUZZ SHERWOOD: And... that's how I lost my pilot's license. Red's Campfire Song {Red plays guitar and Harold accompanies him by banging two empty beer cans together.} RED GREEN: :Ohhhhh... :I wish I'd been born a racehorse, :Because, I'll tell you, that sounds like a pretty good goal, :With a trainer and a ninety-pound jockey :Who would ride me for a minute or so. :Will I win the daily double, :The trifecta and the exacter? :'Cause I know what a stud farm is, :And motivation would be a significant factor. Meet Your Member Handyman Corner Commercial bumper {Red stands in the woods, wearing a yellow rain slicker. He touches his tongue with his finger.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} Comin' up, I got a comment... {Cut to Red in the lodge, holding a mounted fish. He looks toward Harold.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...on the teenagers, I shot my first trout... {Cut to Bill jumping in the air and slam-dunking a basketball, first from the side, then from behind the basket.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...and, uh, Bill's gonna do his impression of Kareem Abdul Dork. Red's Advice To Teenagers {Red is seen in the woods outside the lodge in a yellow slicker. He uses a chainsaw to cut off the handle of an ax sticking into a tree.} RED GREEN: Oh, all right, all right, well, you know, teenagers have always been doing stupid stuff anyway, and... Actually, it seems every generation, uh, tries to push the envelope of idiocy. But this new game, I mean, they're not only pushing the envelope, they're lickin' it and cuttin' themselves on it. I'm talking about these kids now gettin' their bodies pierced. I was just starting to get my head around earrings on guys, and now they're punching holes in their eyebrows and their nose and their belly buttons and their who knows what all. I'm waiting to see a guy come down the street with a three-ring binder attached to his chest. {takes another ax next to a stump} What is the point of all this, anyway? Are these mooring rings so they can tie themselves to the school desk and learn more? I don't think so. I saw a girl, she had seven buttons on her tongue! Looked like a little meat vest. {sticks out his tongue and touches tip of it with finger} And that (?) over speed bumps. I'll tell ya, folks, I don't get it. We were taught that you grow up clean and honest, you be kind to your neighbor and you try to end life's journey with the same number of holes you started with. {Red starts chopping at the stump with the ax.} Plot Segment 2 Harold's Announcements {Harold is seated on a windowsill in the lodge. He looks at a clipboard.} HAROLD GREEN: {reading} "For sale: set of bagpipes. No longer plays music, but makes a great wineskin for six people at once". Visit With Ranger Gord Male Call {Red and Harold are seated in two chairs in an isolated, somewhat darkened area of the lodge.} RED GREEN: It's Male Call! {Harold picks up a large bell and rings it wildly and makes a howling noise. He then picks up a letter.} HAROLD GREEN: Okay, uh... Oh, here's a letter from... {looks at letter} Phil Morton of Grande Prairie, Alberta. {looks at letter again, puzzled} Or– Or Bill Nerlin of Grant Price, Alabama. I... {Red, too, looks perplexed} Could be Dill Martin of Great Proud America, I don't... RED GREEN: Bad handwriting, Harold? HAROLD GREEN: {looking at letter} It looks like Barb Wire, I don't know what. RED GREEN: Must be a doctor. HAROLD GREEN: Uh... {reads letter} "Dear Red–". Or is that "Death Bed"? I... {looks again} "Dead Bear". RED GREEN: Yeah, probably "Dead Bear", yeah. HAROLD GREEN: "Dead Bear"? Alright, okay. Uh... {reads some more} "I am your number-one fan." {rereads} Or– or– or "fur" or "fuzz", I don't... {continues to read} "I am your number-one fuzz. I never muss a simple epilogue. I have every epilogue of 'The Dead Bear Show' on type. My flavorite part of the snow is 'Handyman's Corneree'. My waif says her flavoline part of the proyam is 'Adrentures With Boil'. She rally licked the one where Boil built a hand glitter and tried to fry it. Kelp up the gourd walk and kelp your steak on the eyes." {Red stares as Harold struggles} "Your fried, Bleb." {stares again} Oh! "B.S., Bleach singe me up for the Bossum Lounge Far Clump." RED GREEN: {with uncertainty} Okay, well, uh, thanks for rotting, Bleb. Very glad you employ the shaw. And I'll certainly tell Boil your waif really licked "Adrentures With Boil". {pauses} Drop us a line again sometime soup, and I'll get my nephew Herman here to singe you and your way up to the Bossom Lounge Far Clump. Adventures With Bill Commercial bumper {Red is dressed as a bear, using a bear rug. He looks toward Harold with a look of sadness.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} Comin' up, we got a fashion statement from me... {Cut to Red and Buzz out on the dock by the latter's plane. Buzz playfully reaches out to the camera, which falls over. Red tries to coax it back up.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...and Buzz Sherwood kinda actin' like a tailor, taking Harold's inseam measurement. Plot Segment 3 Harold's Announcements 2 {Harold is seated on a windowsill in the lodge. He looks at a clipboard.} HAROLD GREEN: {reading} "For sale: '78 AMC Pacer. Engine seized up. Makes a perfect greenhouse". Visit With Buzz Sherwood Red's Poetry {The surrounding area is covered in snow. Red sits on a stump, wearing a heavy parka. He opens a book and reads from it.} RED GREEN: "Figure Skating" by me: :We're skating on the pond :And Moose Thompson does a triple axel, :Followed by a quadruple Lutz :And a triple toe loop. :That's what happens when you're on a breakaway :And you catch your toe on a frozen weasel. Plot Segment 4 Fun Facts Explanations *A stud farm is an establishment for selective breeding of livestock. The word "stud" comes from the Old English "stod", which means "herd of horses, place where horses are kept for breeding". Trivia *This episode marks the first appearance of Mike Hamar. Inside References *During Male Call, the letter sender makes a reference to a "hand glitter" that "Boil" tried to "fry". Most likely, if one deciphered the letter, the sender was most likely referring to the "Adventures With Bill" scene of Lake Regulations, where Bill makes a hang glider out of a pup tent. Fast Forward *Mike would again be the subject of "Meet Your Member" in Damn You Emu.